how to be social

Socialising in a nutshell can be summarised by a quote, “to be the most interesting person in a room, be the most interested person.” People love talking about themselves, so socialising is all about asking the right questions to really get them talking. This goes for dates, parties, events and so on.

Beyond that, be genuinely interested in the person. Fake interest is easily detectable so ask questions you’re genuinely interested in. Don’t be afraid to ask because you never truly know how they’ll react unless you ask. If TV shows interest you, talk about that, if philiosophy interests you, talk about that, if books interest you, talk about that. Conversation doesn’t have to be forced and awkward, first show and have a genuine interest in getting to know the other person or the group.

Socialising is also a dance of sorts, you show interest in them and they can either reciprocate the energy by engaging in conversation and asking you questions back, or they’ll show disinterest in talking to you. If they are interested, happy days. If they show disinterest, that’s also good because it shows you don’t have to waste any more time talking to them. Don’t be afraid to start a conversation, but guage how they respond to decide if you want to keep talking to them, and if they’re engaging and talking to you.

Generally, people love stories, so if you can get them talking about a personal story or vice versa, it shows a good level of interest. Don’t be an interrogator, make sure to ask questions and also reveal information about yourself too. Try to match their energy, if they’re engaged and asking deep questions, don’t be afraid to reply with deep answers. Don’t be shy in revealing stories about yourself also, it makes it easier for a connection to form.

Lastly, social anxiety is what holds a lot of people back from living out the social life of their dreams. In my experience, everyone experiences social anxiety to some degree, so just as you’re afraid to go talk to someone, they’re also afraid. Taking the risk to go up and talk to them, makes you instantly more likeable as it shows courage. To get past any nerves holding you back, instead of focusing on judging yourself and being hypercritical of your mistakes, shift your focus to them. Proactively ask questions, guage how they react and what they say and place your attention on them.

This is a summary of what has helped me be social, and I hope it helps you too. See you next time,

Anandu Pradeep

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