You had a relationship and now it’s over. You don’t feel okay. You could be feeling angry, confused, betrayed, sad, hurt and a ton of other negative feelings. We both know it’s going to be painful, but the advice below might make it as painless as possible.
Now as scary as this might be, let yourself feel how you feel. The worst thing you can do to yourself is to try and block your feelings, however uncomfortable they may be. Don’t fixate but let yourself feel the emotions. Now take a step back, take a deep, slow breath and simply notice the feelings. Be observant but try to detach from the feeling, a great quote I heard once went like you’re not going through it, it’s going through you. Be observant on how the emotion feels, does your heart feel heavy, do you feel hurt, is it weighing down on you, do you feel tired and so on.
It’s going to be very hard at the start, and we all slip up but as best you can, let everything flow. Begin to attentively notice how it feels, what thoughts arise from the feelings and so on. The more vigilant you are about being aware of what’s going on, the less the actual emotion has an impact on you.
My second tip is to keep yourself busy. It’s a cliche but what happens is when we get free time we tend to obsess over the past relationship, and the best way to avoid that is by keeping yourself busy. Whether it be hanging out with friends, doing your work, reading books, exercising, playing games or solving puzzles. Make sure you keep yourself busy with mentally engaging tasks (watching TV mindlessly doesn’t count). Set goals for yourself and start tackling them.
Identify ten things that they didn’t want to do with you, and go do them. You’ll quickly realise in which ways they were holding you back. Also, cultivate new friendships. I know it’s hard but put yourself out there, and find new people to have in your life. The stimulation of having new connections in your life is bound to drastically reduce the amount of time spent thinking about the ex. Be curious about other people, be attentive, ask questions and be engaged. It’ll take your mind off things, and to make new connections. The more new things you experience; new journeys, new friends and new habits, the harder it is for the brain to accurately remember the past relationship and the less it’ll weigh down on you.
I’m sorry that you’re feeling these things, but they will pass. Take care and catch you next time,